To me music can be the most honest and pure form communication. I'm learning this more and more as my band is wrapping up the recording process. I've been finishing up the lyrics for the songs I have yet to record vocals on. While I was honest about my feelings towards a particular situation on the last album I was vague enough that I could disconnect myself from the lyrical content. I was a lot more honest on this album and I'm starting see that in all the lyrics.
While the album on the surface focuses on the problems with the American Church (specifically the prosperity gospel and the Westboro Baptist Church) I came to a realization last night that there is a deeper meaning in the lyrics. Reading back over them I see that there is a song for everything I'm going through. I wrote these lyrics in an honest moment, and now I'll have to listen to them and perform them over and over and over again. I didn't realize what that would do to me. All the interactions I've been having (even though the album isn't out yet) are just amazing. It's surreal to meet people who are at the same place I am and connect with lyrics I've written. It's controlled chaos and it's beautiful, but it hurts because every lyric I've written is from my life.
As a vocalist I've totally changed my out look on performance and what I say on stage. I don't know where I stand with religion or the "church" I know where I stand with God and my faith. I'm still a Christian, I still believe the bible and what it says. I know there's a lot of people who are not happy with me because of what I've said in this album. It's too angry or too depressing. I should be happy all the time because I'm a Christian. Every song should be me praising the Lord. Well, I'm not a happy person, there's a difference between being happy and knowing joy. I'm joyful because I know that all the pain and hurt I go through ends eventually. Everything will be ok in the end and maybe I'm not ok, at all, but this isn't the end yet. I know there's a lot of things in my life I need change but if any words I've written inspire or encourage someone to hold on and keep pushing forward, then that's exactly what I needed to write.
I feel like as a vocalist I hadn't been me until this record. I feel like I was always what someone else wanted me to be, what metal fans wanted me to be, what a Christian fan base wanted me to be, what Christian friends wanted me to be, but for this album I wanted to be what I am.
My personal life is really reflected in my art. Growing up I didn't really have friends, I had people I would hang out with but thinking back they weren't my friends. I was that quiet kid who just felt alone, I masked my pain with anger. I had and have to this day such bad social anxiety that I stutter and ramble and can't focus my thoughts because I so nervous around people, even people who are my closest friends. I became a vocalist because I met a guy named Tim Lambesis. During a conversation I had with him he noticed I seem anxious. He told me something like, "Hey man, I'm just a guy like you, you don't need to be nervous around me." the friend who I was with jokingly said, "It's not you, he's like this all the time. It's a shame because Bobby is a very talented vocalist but refuses to do anything but play bass."
I told Tim, it's because I stutter and I'm afraid to sing in front of people. He encouraged me to not be afraid and to do it not to please people, but to do it because I love music. So I did. We all know now what's currently going on with Tim, and to be honest I question ever bit of advise the man's given me. That doubt has spilled over into every part of my life and it definitely comes out in these new songs. But it needs to, because I firmly believe that God will use it to help someone and that's all I want, to make an impact for good.
-HiMyNameIsBobby
